Flirting 101
by Ellipsis the Great
Summary: A date with a mob boss’s wife would be destined for disaster if it was anyone else…Seiner.


_**Flirting 101**_

_A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great  
_

_**Summary:**__ A date with a mob boss's wife would be destined for disaster if it was anyone else…Seiner. Not-so-slight OOC._

_**DISCLAIMER:**__ Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…_

_**Rated:**__ T because of Seifer's language._

_**Theme:**__ 76. Movie_

"I had a good time tonight, hon." The pale-skinned beauty in front of me gave me a wan smile, leaning forward a little so I got a glimpse of her ample bosom.

Okay, freeze.

Bet you're wondering what's going on, right? I mean, you probably weren't expecting to step straight into some sort of weird porno or something, right?

Don't worry, that's not what it is. Let me start at the beginning:

Name's Seifer Almasy, gun for hire. Currently, I'm going through the 'initiation exam' that is apparently given to anyone who wants to work for Rufus Shinra, the biggest, baddest Mafia boss in Midgar. And with the thick wads of cash I've seen on even the low-level lackeys, I most definitely want to work for him.

Rufus Shinra _owns_ Midgar, and if you want to get _anywhere_ there, you had to have some sort of connection with him.

For mercenaries like me, that meant going on a date with his wife: Jenova Shinra—the broad I mentioned earlier.

And yes, you read right. In order to join this gang, you gotta go out with the big man's wife. It's like this: if you can't be trusted to keep your hands off your boss's girl, what _can_ you be trusted with? I know it seems odd, but they're the fucking _Mafia_. You gonna argue? Well good luck with that, because I sure as hell ain't.

Anyhow, most guys didn't get a warning about this test until it was already happening. Some got a cautionary glance from another guy who'd already been through it, but many didn't even get that. Luckily, even the stupid ones usually catch on. Or at least, the stupid ones are too stupid and focused to pay attention and fall for it.

I got an actual warning, compliments of Hayner Shinra—Rufus' only son and heir to the Shinra legacy. Perhaps even weirder than the fact that he was warning me, was the fact that he was warning _me_. We'd been butting heads since the first day I stepped into Rufus' office, saw him, and asked what a little shrimp like him was doing in a Mafia boss's office. Luckily, Rufus had a pretty good sense of humor and didn't take offence—unluckily, Hayner _didn't_ have a pretty good sense of humor and _did_ take offence.

So that's probably why I'd spent the five minutes between him giving me the warning and his mom (who was surprisingly young looking for a doting mother, believe me) stepped out of the house for our 'date' in complete and total shock.

It wasn't one of those lame little 'watch yourself' warnings, either. Here's how it went down:

I'd stepped out of my car and leaned up against it, waiting for Mrs. Shinra to come out of the house, when suddenly a rock hit my shoulder. I looked up, and narrowed my eyes at Hayner, who was leaning against a glass window on a balcony, tossing a rock up and down as if contemplating throwing it.

"Not too observant, are you?" He asked.

"Most people aren't stupid enough to try to start shit in front of Rufus Shinra's house." I said with a shrug.

He laughed—that's when my 'what the fuck' senses started tingling.

"Mom's gonna try and seduce you." He said as I lit a match (I've always liked matches more than lighters—weird, I know) and held it up to the cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

I shook the flames out and dropped the match on the ground, taking a long drag as I arched an eyebrow at him. "Is she?"

"Yeah." He said. "Dad does it to all the noobs—loyalty thing, I think."

"Mhm." I said, not quite trusting him. Like I said before, we weren't exactly best friends.

"Just don't fuck up." He said with a small wave, turning to go back inside.

"And why, exactly, do you care if I fuck up or not?" I asked.

He looked back at me with the coy smile his mother would be giving me all night, shrugging his effeminate shoulders nonchalantly. "You make things…interesting." He said, and then slipped inside before I could say anything else.

So, yeah, completely dumbfounded after that. Not exactly the best first impression for your boss's wife to have—the new guy staring at her son's room (at least, I assume it was his room) with a cigarette almost falling out of his gaping mouth. But she mostly seemed amused, tittering at me when I fumbled to open the door and then got in the other side to drive us to the restaurant she indicated.

The flirting began even before we'd pulled out of the driveway—subtle flirting, mind you. She didn't shove her hand in my lap or anything, but it was still flirting. Fluttering eyelashes, husky little voice, those innocent movements meant to accentuate her curves and tits, the whole nine fucking yards. Fortunately for me I'm a hot piece of ass, so if there's one thing I'm used to it's flirting. And I mean flirting of _all_ kinds—from the subtle stuff she was pulling to the raunchy shit that could make a hooker blush. After some of the crap that's been tried on me, seeing her kind of made me want to give her pointers.

Not that I ever would. I'm not stupid—she was the boss's wife, for Chrissake.

Now that you understand what's going on, I'll fast forward back to the part you guys came in on:

"I had a good time tonight, hon." Mrs. Shinra said as we pulled up to the house.

"Me, too, Mrs. Shinra." I said politely, leaving the car and opening her door. I bowed and offered her a hand.

"You have such wonderful manners." She said, batting her eyelashes at me again.

I gave her a slightly tight smile. "You've said, ma'am." I reminded her gently, allowing her to take my arm before leading her to the house.

She jutted her bottom lip out just a bit as we reached the door, and seemed to decide to throw caution to the wind and give it one last shot. She threw her arms around my neck, squishing her boobs up against my chest and putting her mouth close to mine.

"Wanna _come_ inside, handsome?" She asked breathily, the innuendo in her voice almost as thick as her makeup. Her breath smelled of the wine we had had at dinner and the martini she downed afterward, and I wondered if that was the cause of her sudden lowered inhibitions or if she did this to all of the stubborn ones.

I fought to keep my smile in place—as if it wasn't hard enough just to smile, when I usually only did so on very, very rare occasions. "I don't think that's a very good idea, ma'am."

She huffed, but finally gave up, practically pushing me away. Then she gave me the first genuine smile she'd given me all night. "You're a tough nut to crack, Mr. Almasy. I think I've taken a liking to you." She mused as she opened the door.

"Thank you, ma'—oh." I blinked at the sight that greeted me—Mr. Shinra, surrounded by his son and his specialized bodyguards, the Turks. Mr. Shinra and Hayner were giving me nearly identical smirks, while the Turks watched on in a way that left no doubt in my mind that they were ready to shoot me on the spot.

"Oh, calm down, all of you." Mrs. Shinra said, waving a hand at them dismissively. "I don't think I could've gotten this one to sleep with me if I'd tied him down and forced Viagra down his throat."

"It…ah, well, I don't mean to hurt your feelings ma'am, but it wasn't really difficult." I said, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly.

"Are you saying my wife is unattractive, Mr. Almasy?" The smile he gave me nearly sent a shiver down my spine as a few of the Turks (the redheaded bastard especially) snickered.

"No, sir. She's actually pretty good looking for a bird, and good company and all." I said with a light shrug. "But I could've told you it wouldn't work even if H—even if I hadn't been warned."

"By…never mind. I'll find that out later." Mr. Shinra said. "Why, exactly, wouldn't it have worked even then?"

"Well, sir, to be quite frank…I'm gay."

Mrs. Shinra burst out laughing as her husband blinked at me. Behind him, Hayner was collecting money from several of the Turks with a triumphant grin on his face.

"You're…gay?" Mr. Shinra repeated slowly.

"Irredeemably, sir." I nodded.

"Oh, dear!" Mrs. Shinra giggled, then patted my hand. "Well, at least you're a good sport. You really should have said something, though."

I shrugged. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself."

She laughed again and glided to her husband's side, patting his shoulder soothingly. "Dear, next time Hayner says he thinks the new recruit is gay, we should probably send him instead of me."

I couldn't help but snort.

"And what, exactly, do you find so funny, Almasy?" Hayner asked, frowning at me in the way that told me he was ready to start a fight.

"I've seen you flirting." I said with a grimace. "You…kinda suck at it. Your mom would probably have more luck than you, female or not."

"You know," He began stalking toward me as everyone else looked on with mixed looks on their faces. "Someone was just telling me earlier today that _most_ people aren't stupid enough to start shit in front of Rufus Shinra."

"I'm pretty sure that someone said most people aren't stupid enough to start shit in front of Rufus Shinra's _house_. Also, I'm not most people, nor am I starting shit. Just stating fact.'

"And I suppose you could do better?" He asked when he finally reached me, crossing his arms over his chest.

I leaned down and put my mouth close to his ear, lowering my voice. "I hate to break it to you, Hayner, but you couldn't seduce a chocobo in heat."

"You wanna bet?" He asked. "Because I think I could seduce _you_ just fine."

I kept my face where it was for a moment, as if considering, then pulled away, turned around and shook my head. "Nope. I've already been on one date tonight, and I'm getting kind of tired." I stretched a little so that my muscles flexed through my specially designed trench coat. "You have my number if you need me, Mr. Shinra." I said, addressing Hayner's dad in a way that made it hard to tell if I was really talking to him or his son.

Just before I reached the door, I looked back and gave Hayner a roguish grin. "By the way, lamer, that's lesson number one."

"Lesson number one…?" Hayner repeated.

"You want to learn how to flirt, don't you?" I asked, the grin widening. "This is called playing hard to get. See you around."

And then I left.

The End

_A/N: Inspired by 'Pulp Fiction,' thus the reason for the theme 'movie.'_


End file.
